Burnt Ash 2XI travelled to Hurtsmere for the first Cup Game of the season against Oxted 4. Coming into the game on a high on the wonderful performance the previous week, BA felt in a strong position.

With a few new members in the starting squad, we managed to put out a strong side. BA started the game strong in the opening minutes with Reece missing a sitter passed in from Chrisy in the opening minute as the keeper saved the shot off the line with the last inch of his shin. We had a few more shots on goal as it became embarrassing as we continued to tear apart the Oxted defence.

Oxted scored after a small lapse of concentration. After this, BA lost concentration and possession of the game and conceded a 2 more goals. We went into half time 3-0 down.

In the first and second half we had half a dozen short corners in which every single one was shockingly injected by Chris, some failing to make it outside the D!

Going into the second half, we went out with a strong approach after a frightening team talk from Flower.

By this point Alex Neofitou is fighting a every losing battle to keep control of his bollock being swallowed into the pit of his stomach, most likely, never to be seen again. This along with the assumption his bollock had been obliterated (by who I cannot confirm) and a trip to A&E to recover his man hood meant he was unable to continue the game.

We went onto to score our opening goal by Longely seconds after coming on from the bench.
Draper also scored to make it 3-2.
Peely made it 3-3.

In the last 10 minutes of the game, Oxted got a free hit outside the D and managed to sneak an arching loop deflection to make it 4-3.
With 2 minutes to spare Chris and Reece made an advance onto goal in a 2 v 1 in which Reece managed to get 1 on 1 with the keeper. With too much time and no legs left, it was a shot absorbed by the keeper’s stomach.

Game ended 4-3 to Oxted. Great fight back and unfortunate result.
Thoughts go out to the nurse who had to grope and untangle Alex’s testicles.
Hope the testis are better Alex xoxo